Quote of the Week|

From Kirk Baumgard on Facebook:

Q: What’s the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond?

A. Eventually the savings bond will mature and earn money.

🙂

 

 

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Posted by Gary Dean Smith on Fb 4/11/14:

If promoters of music clubs had to follow “Truth In Advertising” laws when soliciting bands to play their venues, How do YOU think their calls to you would be?

Ok, well then, here is my take on how Truth In Advertising would impact the call a band gets from a booking agent at a club…(Note: This is for entertainment purposes only)…

“Hi Gary, This is C. Booker from the Baby Seal Club. On Wednesday the 23rd  we have a slot for you that we would like you to play. You would be one of 4 bands on the bill this night. We know that your band has won awards and has done all kinds of great things in your scores of decades of collective professional experience, but we don’t care about that at all. Slot is from 9:30 to 10:00. Even though you will get no sound check, because the sound guy is always late, all bands still need to be there and loaded in by 6 pm. The reason for this is that since there are 4 bands totaling 19 band members, plus wives and girlfriends, that is about 30 people associated with the bands who will be buying drinks at full price from 6 pm. So if all 30 people are there for an average of 4 hours for the night, at the rate of one full price drink ($6) per hour, that is 120 drinks we sell to you which will guarantee the Baby Seal Club will make $720 from drinks alone, not including food and tips. While you are at it, we would like you to promote the night to everyone you know so we can sell them over-priced drinks too. The ticket price is $10 but we will give you $4 on each ticket you bring in… but, in reality, when it’s time for us to pay you, we will try to pay you only $2 per ticket.

So let me know as soon as you can if you want to play the slot or not. I have other people I need to exploit if you are not willing to do this”.

Troy Fisher: That about sums it up.

Jeff Norman: You forgot about “also be sure design and pay for some cool, pro looking posters, and bring them over 2 weeks in advance… bring tape, and try to find some good spots in the restrooms that aren’t already used, AND prepare your friends to be subjected to genres of music in no way related to yours, as they wait for you to play… they’ll want to leave immediately following, because the band after your “Americana Roots” band is a heavy metal vegan death grunge band.” You can have 10 minutes to load in off the street after you circle the block a few times waiting for the other band members ahead of you, but the $8 parking lot is conveniently just a couple blocks away! I could go on, GD… oh yeah, we’d really prefer you didn’t gig (or thereby make any money) anywhere in the state 2 weeks prior to, or after your performance so your fans won’t be tempted to see you elsewhere.

Gary Dean Smith: Oh and by the way… we would like to know if you would like to play at The Baby Seal Club on a bill that benefits some charity…? The club will still charge all of the bands full price for all consumables. We ask that you bring in as many people as possible to help support the “charity” and also ask that you donate your take at the door to the charity, too.

Jeff Norman: Gotta love it, GD!

Gary Dean Smith: This is Gary again… The sad thing is that there a bunch of really shitty, loud and ridiculous bands that are willing to do this for the thrill of playing “live” and being rockstars for an hour. Keeping the pay low for real bands and keeping the quality low for the listener.

It would be nice to see a promotor / club booker, get off their lazy asses and promote good quality shows that could make a difference for everyone.

Jeff Norman: Don’t hold yer breath, GD.

Gary Stubbs: Hi Gar, this is Rodney from the Shack in Anaheim. I’ve got a great slot for you opening up for Jean Love Jezebel! You go on at 1:00 a.m.

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