We hate to generalize, but there are only 10 types of people at music festivals. It doesn’t matter if the festival is in Indio, California, or Reykjavik, Iceland—it’s the same crowd, consisting of the same people. When a large group of fans get together to celebrate music with booze, drugs, and careless behavior, each one of them conforms to a very specific role. Together, they make a music festival. Read on as we identify these 10 types of people.
The Couple With a Baby
The Couple With a Baby has just taken part in the miracle of life. They came together and literally created a human in 3-5 minutes. It’s amazing, really, but then you realize that they took this little angel to a place where if it rains everyone ends up standing in some “I-think-it’s-mud-but-I-wouldn’t-be-surprised-if-there’s-some-shit-in-here” mud.
But The Couple still clings to their youthful swag, and they’re putting music into their child’s life at a young age. That’s all very cool, and the excess of decibels will help drown out any crying which is nice. But be warned, their baby is on the path to becoming the kid that tells their friends he “saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers live” and his friends will be like “no way, where?” and he’ll say “Lollapalooza, when I was 8 months old” and no one will like him ever.
Something The Couple With a Baby might say: “He cries whenever I play The Smiths. He already gets it.”
The Undeserving Shoulder Girl
“She effortlessly and gracefully rises above the crowd. The lead singer of the band points at her. Official festival photographers snap away, capturing her flowing hair and perfectly planned outfit floating above the lesser general admission peasants. She becomes the face of the festival.”
That is what any girl at a festival would like to have happen. Unfortunately, this dream scenario subsequently leads to an abundance of Undeserving Shoulder Girls. The USG refuses to let a beautiful moment like this happen organically, and will instead insist that they belong at a higher elevation, even though they suck. The Undeserving Shoulder Girl will stop at nothing to get to that vantage point, and will likely inconvenience everyone within a 15 foot radius. She will either get her way, and become an obstruction while also creating several Yelling Dudes, or she’ll get denied by her ideal support choice, and will instead create a Struggling Shoulder Guy. Both are miserable to watch.
Something The Undeserving Shoulder Girl might say: “Oh my God. Jessica, take a picture of me.”
The Festival Old Heads
Usually a pair of middle aged men. One of them will carry the backpack with all of their Festival Gear, and the other has the Camelbak. They have a one hitter and a gram of weed stashed in a sock in the 3rd deepest front pocket. The FOH were at Lollapalooza when it was just a dream Perry Ferrell was having, and in fact, the old heads incepted Ferrell with the idea for Lollapalooza, so it’s actually their festival. These men are built for endurance. You’ll encounter them in prime spots during a Schoolboy Q show because they’re already there waiting for The Cure. But, if you’re open-minded and engaging, they’re an alliance worth making within The Crowd.
Something The Festival Old Heads might say: “Festivals today are trash. Festivals are meant to be straight to the point, band after band. No gimmicks. Not this fluff we have today.”
Read more about…
The Mud People
The Blanket Squatters
The Ring Girl
The Swell
Blacked Out Guy
The Social Media Fiends
Mr. Seen That
http://pigeonsandplanes.com/2015/05/types-of-people-you-meet-at-every-music-festival/s/524755/
[Thanks to Alex Teitz of http://www.femmusic.com for contributing this!]